Everyone reacts in their own way and then feed off of everyone else.
So often, the phrase I hear when an acquaintance or friend commits suicide is, "I wish I had known." or "I could have helped."
But I, being philosophical in nature and cynical at heart, have to ask, "Really? You WOULD want to know, and you WOULD have helped?"
Now, I have learned throughout life to avoid vocalizing my opinions. I don't mean any harm, but my opinions tend to poke those sore spots in humanity. However, on this blog, where I am anonymous, I can speak freely.
So when considering this fascinating facet of humanity, I have made two observations.
1) The Woodwork Friends Phenomenon
Everyone is distantly related, secretly in love with, or best friends with someone who commits suicide. Why?
Because everyone wants in on the tragedy!
2) One-Sided Regrets
It's easy to make big statements when you don't have to follow them up with action. Sure, you SAY you would have helped, but what about if you got a phone call at midnight, where someone you know says they're holding a gun to their head.
You talked them through it!
Good for you!
What about the second time it happens?
What about the third?
Then suddenly you're faced with the problem of how to dump your unstable ex-friend onto a therapist without the danger of sudden I've-been-betrayed-and-I-have-no-one-I-can-trust-now suicide.
See my gist? You no longer want to help, this person is a problem and a source of stress.
Most of humanity will go through all of these cause and effect scenarios in their head very early on in the process and start looking for an exit.
But, these same people will cry and swear they would have been there at the funeral of their friend/acquaintance.
So I decided I would meditate on this concept and try portray this sad truth through the eyes of Adam. But not just Adam, through the eyes of every person who has been in his shoes.
-Adam's Shoes-
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It's a myth. You know that?
It's a myth that people just fade away. You know that song by Blaine Larson "How do you get that lonely"? Well in the song it says,
"how do you get that lonely, and nobody knows?"
Well, my answer is that you don't.
People see pain. If the person closest to you were contemplating suicide, you would see the warning signs. Even if it was only the smallest little hint of change, you would still see it. Even if you couldn't decipher what you were seeing, it's there, nagging at the very edges of your subconscious.
The truth is that we're taught that inquiring into other people's lives is rude. We all live in bubbles. If you don't believe that, try greeting someone with a hug that lasts for more than fifteen seconds.
As children we are taught to respect people's bubbles. By the time we reach adulthood it is common courtesy. That's why even though there are red flags people still kill themselves. It's not because they're sneaky enough to slip past the suicide prevention patrol, it's because helping someone through an emotional breakdown requires stepping into their bubble, and being stubborn enough to stay there even if you find resistance.
Sure everyone blubbers at their funerals. "Oh why? Why? Why?" they all sob sadly. But no one is comfortable enough to take away the pill bottle when it's shaking in someone's fingers. No one is secure enough to take that shaking hand and hold it until it stops shaking.
Who needs mental hospitals and straight-jackets if anyone where strong enough to open up their arms and accept whatever falls forward?
Suicides will never end because number one, there are exceptions. There are people who deserve to end their pain. There are people with whom death is justified. People who have lived with the scales between pain and peace so steeply off-balance for so long, that they walk through the gates of oblivion with a lightened burden.
The second reason that suicide will never end is because we live in a society that draws away from discomfort. The emotionally sickened individual stares out into the world with a gun in one hand and a phone in the other.
He flips through names of people who are closest to him, but he is whipped into the social understanding that they will either be bothered by him, or that they will just let him down.
He is forced to realize that all anyone ever has is himself.
That's the problem with suicide. All we can ever really count on having tomorrow morning is ourselves, and for someone who is dying inside, their own internal nudge to keep pushing on isn't enough of a reason to live. People don't slowly die inside over a span of days or weeks without friends. All too often, the very people who mourn at the funeral are the same people who have been watching them die while standing quietly on the sidelines.
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| Source emitted to protect identity |
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| Source emitted to protect identity |
