Some people wish they could glimpse, just for a moment, their destiny, their path, and their fate.
Tonight I wish I could see what's going to happen.
I, along with others I'm sure, have a chronic case of worrying. Here I am, wide awake at 2:30am playing and replaying scenarios in my head. It doesn't matter that there are only two possible outcomes, just the anxiety over not knowing which will occur is causing me to lose sleep. I toss and turn, worrying and wondering, telling my brain to shut up, and fretting over each hour as it slips by.
It's a miserable way to spend a night. Obviously this problem is not logical, but worry defies logic.
So again, I come back to my original thought: What would life be like if we could see the end result?
Would this revelation put me at ease? Or would I learn things that I wouldn't want to know? Maybe I would see a heartbroken twenty-five year old, rejected from vet school, and forced to ask,
"What now?"
Maybe I would see a line of failed marriages, bitter children, and stress. Maybe I would see an elderly woman, stricken by the realization that for her, it's too late. Her life is coming to a close and despite that hot-headed teenager with big dreams and loud opinions, she has failed.
Some people do fail after all. In a way, the world needs failures, they make up a necessary statistic; so do cancer fatalities, suicides, and homelessness. But who, if they could look into their own future and see that they are fated to fail in their conquests, and loose sight of their dreams, would choose to live another day?
But then again, does the future even exist if we peer into it? Wouldn't I see my shortcomings before they had a chance to swallow me and avoid them altogether? Or maybe simply seeing the future would make it a reality. Like if I saw that in the end I would fail, I would give up completely. Live life as a bitter, useless wreck.
I, for one, despite how awesome a life free of unknowns and variables sounds, would rather lay awake worrying about menial problems than to see the outcome of my life.
I prefer to believe in my dreams, and stubbornly flip the bird to anyone who dares to tell me I won't make it. Even if that person is myself occasionally.
Seeing the future would take away the mystery in life, and I would rather preserve belief and hope, even if it means throwing in failure and heartbreak....
Who knew I was capable of such blind faith?
But for now....I would just settle for some sleep.
