Ugly girl

Ugly girl. It's tough hearing those words together. Ugly is clearly a bad word, and we should never say it in reference to anyone...ever. 

But let's just say hypothetically speaking that we aren't a bunch of dumbass Americans who have over-inflated morals and activist groups which work together to tell every little girl that she's beautiful in her own way....

Let's be real (and I say "let's" very loosely because I know that no one reads my blog). When a baby girl pops into this world and she is ugly, we don't tell her that she's ugly. We say that she has nice features, or that she has a golden personality. We desperately dance around her unfortunate phenotype combinations with all the grace of a paraplegic hippo, and we convince her ugly ass that she is going to have the same opportunities and chances as everyone else in our stupid look-oriented world. 

By the time she hits puberty she knows otherwise.

The cruelest group of people possible is a group of 9-13 year old kids. Those kids are not going to tell her that she has nice features or that she has a golden personality, they are going to call her "ugly".

Well crap, there goes a childhood full of affirmations and reassurances right down the toilet. The secret's out. That poor girl is an ugly duckling, and thanks to your poor dancing and dodging skills, she now has to sort through these new facts completely alone. 

She hears a contradictions; mom and dad say that she's pretty, but her peers say that she isn't. Somebody is lying. 

She will quickly realize, thanks to her mirror and the actions of her friends and the simple fact that a group of peers has no reason to lie to her, that she is an ugly girl. Not only will this realization be painful and frightening, but it will also be blunt. Thanks to her parent's lies, she will have this unfortunate truth thrown at her by a group of evil children instead of broken gently by her loving parents. 

Stating that a child is less attractive than their peers does not make a parent a bad parent, it makes them an honest parent.

Living as an ugly girl can be very hard. I'll share some of my own experiences, partially to vent (because who the hell actually reads my blog? No one does! Why? Because no one cares enough about what I have to say to take the time to read my awesome blog!), and partially because some attractive asshole might stumble on this page and choke on their own glee that they aren't me.

So I guess I'll approach this topically.

1) competition
This is pretty obvious, but if there is any type of serious competition, people automatically gravitate towards that adorable girl or crazy good-looking guy. It doesn't matter if that plain Jane girl in the back has better experience and/or references, eye-candy always wins initially. Now, if the source of the competition is part of a company with obligations to be impartial, or if the person hiring/choosing is sane enough to realize that they need someone who can actually do the work, the plain Jane definitely has a shot. But that's assuming that there isn't eye-candy around who also has the experience/references. In that case-scenario the plain Jane is completely screwed and won't even get a second glance.
This is a universal rule which every plain Jane is very familiar with. She'll have to work twice as hard, and she'll still be at a disadvantage.

2) friendship

Most of the time anybody who can be friendly will find friends. However, I often marvel at how easily some of my more attractive peers make friends. They don't value friendship the way that I do. My friends are friends with ME. No bullshit, no pretenses, my friends like me for who I am. I value friendship a lot, and I am loyal to the end. This is something I'm sure more attractive people can't understand the way that I do. 

3) dating

This is probably the most obvious disadvantage of being less-attractive. This is especially tough if you're a less-attractive female. Guys have to be physically attracted to a girl before they are attracted to her in other ways. I don't have much trouble getting dates, mostly because online dating is such a big asset nowadays, but it still sucks to feel inferior to other girls.

Well I guess that's the end of my rant about being ugly. Not that anyone's reading it.......because no one reads my blog........probably because I'm ugly........

(although you can bet your sweet ass that everybody would read every single word if I were suddenly killed. Isn't it great? How people care once you're dead?)

 Grrrr, okay I'm really done this time. 

Wildling is he...

Must every person on earth be occupied with the search for their soulmate? Don't get me wrong, there is something pure and wonderful in love. I often see those couples, you know, the ones who literally do not seem complete unless they are together.

I've never been obsessed or enslaved by the search for love. I've seen friends absolutely stricken by the search, like it was a disease they could not shake. I have never been struck with that urgency.

In the past, I have told people I could live happily as a single individual for the rest of my life. They keyword there is happily. Plenty of people live unattached, but most are bitter about it.

As a side-note, this is not a conclusion I made because I can't live any other way. I have been fairly successful in my love life, I'm on the average for American females my age. For me, often the end of the relationships came because I view relationships as less important than following my dreams.
I think the only way anyone can make the conclusion that living single would be a happy life, is if they have something else to be passionate about. For me, it's my excitement for the future and the realization of my dreams.

Anyway, I wrote a poem about this very subject. (I believe this is the first time I've mentioned my poetry so I'll explain. I've been writing poetry since I was fourteen, and I've published one so far. At this point, I have written over 100 poems and this number grows every month. Poetry is in my blood. It is more than a hobby, it is a part of me I write both metered line and free-verse poetry. It's just kind of whatever feels right at the time.)
Now that I've said all that, I'll share my poem. This one is in the free-verse style. Enjoy!

Wildling

Your soulmate, your everything.
You join in a waltz for one.
Two, six, twelve; halves becoming wholes.
The dance-floor fills with feet on air, with hearts awakening from slumber.

But wildlings, are they not among us?
Souls born inclusively?
The duos fly around the floor, lost in each other.
But are there not those standing in the shadows?
Ones watching the display with a confusion born in the belief that longings must exist?

Phantoms born....whole.

With such a colossal planet, perhaps soul-mates exist in odd numbers. Maybe it's like a game for pairs with 3 people total. Is it logical for every mortal to have a counterpart?

This shadow envelopes one such phantom.
The odd one out turns away from the swirling couples.
His hand gently rests over his heartbeat, the love is whole.
He smiles in the darkness, the joy is whole.
He closes his eyes, the dreams are vivid, not fragmented, they are...whole.

The shadow turns back to the floor, and watches with appreciation.
Then he steps back, turns away, and fades into the night with no sense of loss.

Wildling is he, the world is his lover.